Potter Cup VII, 13-14 September 2003

Venue: Breadsall Priory, Derbyshire, 13-14 September 2003

Match Report

Day 1 - the foursome

The Stoke team retained the Cup and reduced their overall deficit in this year's Potter Cup match played at Breadsall Priory in Derbyshire. Everyone made it to the course on time without having to pay £4.40 to enter the host country and despite the traditionally useless Marriott directions. With no golf Nazis to be seen, play began on time on the Moorland course for the Saturday fourballs. Charl produced his "ball marker" (a felt pen), and both he and Rob inscribed pro Stoke and pro Vale propaganda respectively.

Play began in an orderly fashion, with Baker, leading off for the lardmen, striking a wanktree with the first shot of the match. He recovered to card a 5, the hole was halved by Rob and Charl, the Skipper being disappointed to miss out despite a par 3.

As the players crossed the road and headed out to the moors, Rob then went on a sensational run of form, winning 2, and producing net birdies on 3 and 4 to put Vale into a commanding 3 hole lead early on. Baker was also playing well and struck back on the 5th, with a net birdie, but when Ozman birdied the 7th it looked good for Vale. 8th was halved by Rob and Charl, as Ozman narrowly avoided being mown down by a low slice from Rob, but managed to drop to the ground in time to hear the ball whiz over his head.

Charl won the par 5 9th with a par, cutting the deficit to 2 holes at the turn. Rob produced a wonderful 10 on this hole, losing a ball and hitting from one piece of rough to another. After carding a net 40 for the front 9 (including the 10!) this was the start of a sad decline.

Charl also won the 10th with a 5, and the deficit was down to 1. At the next, everyone took net 5s in a very democratic manner, and when Ozman won 12 it appeared the crisis had passed. The 13th was halved, although the Ozman, having finally woken up, was now playing on his own, Rob having switched from sublime to awful with no stopping off at acceptable in between. As always happens, commenting on the fact that no-one had hit a tree for a while caused Rob to drill one with the very next shot on this hole.

Charl won the 14th after a dreadful display of driving a par 3 from all and Oz had one of many in-depth encounters with one of the many deep bunkers on the course while Rob put his drive into a field. When Charl repeated the trick on 15 and 16, Stoke had made a mighty turnaround and were one up with 2 to play. Charl, helped by his unlosable ball, somehow charmed by the evil incantations written upon it, could do no wrong and was on his way to an 85, his best round ever.

Just when all looked lost, Ozman produced under pressure at the 17th with a par 3, a hole Rob failed to finish after gunning two accurately into the same farmers field. The match was all square as the teams re-crossed the road for the 18th. For the first time in ages, all 4 played competently on this hole, but Charl was left with a 4 footer for par to win the match. The King of Jelly approached the ball, and drilled confidently home to cries of joy and horror alike.

Stoke 1 Vale 0

A 3-1 win for Vale, sending them back to the top of Div 2 was some consolation before the players headed off to their accommodation, a Colditz Travel Lodge on the road to sunny Mansfield. Thankfully the inside was not as grim, and the players were able to refresh themselves in the Leisure Club, restaurant and bar. In an unprecedented and frankly worrying move, Ozman went to bed early, leaving Charl to drive the others on to further drinking. The evening was finally ended by the arrival of a pink shirted escapee from the Gay Bar, causing all participants to retire to bed.

Day 2 - the singles

Back at the golf course the next morning, battle was recommenced in the singles on the Priory Course, with Bakes taking on Rob and Charl facing the Ozman. Pressure putts from both Vale men halved the first, but the Stokies both won the par 3 second, enlivened by Rob's drive catching one of the party in front a nasty blow in the ribs. Rob struck back at the 3rd, which was halved in the other match as Charl started a dreadful day with the putter by 3-putting from about 10 feet. However he recovered to win the 4th to go one up. Ozman was finding that foregoing both alcohol and a full fry up was doing him no good as Charl took the 4th to go 2 up. Both Stokies won the 5th, with Baker resolutely unfazed by Rob's playing off a dry stone wall and then through a bunker on this one. Baker took nearest the pin on the 6th by using a Mawdsley-esque putting stroke to run the ball to the edge of the green and then won the hole. Ozman struck back for the Vale, so at this point it was 2 up to Charl, with Bakes and Rob all square.

Sadly it was downhill from there on for the Vale team. Rob's purple patch only lasted 5 holes on this occasion, and it was soon back to the garbage. Meanwhile Ozman struggled to live up to his big match billing. A disastrous series of holes for the Vale, livened only by an enjoyable game of tree ping pong for Rob and Bakes on the 9th, saw Stoke go to the turn 5 up for Charl and 3 up for Baker, with the Potter Cup all but in their grasp.

Further wins at the 10th, a stupid hole played on a sideways sloping mountain put them firmly in control. Vale did strike back at the 11th, with Ozman winning despite nearly hitting the same set of monkeys Rob had targeted earlier, and Rob finding a half. Baker won the next after an exciting trip over the a road, but Oz kept the match alive by sinking a tricky 15 footer for a half after yet more bunker troubles. However both Stoke teams were now 5 up with 6 left.

The coup de grace duly came at the par 4 13th. Baker had no difficulty in despatching Rob's 8, while the Ozman was unlucky to be on the green for 2, only to find that Charl was 6 inches from the pin for the same after an excellent 9-iron approach. Charl finished it off in style with a birdie and it was a crushing win for the mighty Potters, their third in a row.

The remainder of the round passed in a blur, this reporter having thoroughly lost interest in proceedings. Amongst few highlights were Charl's continuing unsuccessful attempts to lose the unlosable ball, Ozman finding a new putter, a trip to Mordor, and Baker narrowly missing out on beating 100 after a very good round.

Result: Stokies win 3-0

Man of the Match - Charl played very well on both days and is the only choice. Perhaps we'll look at a different handicapping system for next year. For instance, I imagine if Charl had 2 broken arms that might be something of a handicap.

Shot of the Match - nothing really spectacular this year, but Charls 2nd at the 13th on the Sunday just summed up the futility for the Vale team, even playing at their best Charl was too good.

Mental Toughness - it wasn't Rob.

Clothes - for the second successive year, a very dull year for golfwear. Everyone needs to take a hard look at themselves if the proud tradition of the Potter Cup in this regard is to be upheld. In retrospect, Baker capering around in the Stoke away top after close of play on Saturday was quite alarming.

Golf Nazis - none encountered.

Wildlife - waiters in restaurant quite strange. And then there was the pink shirted twat.

Handicapping - see above.

Facilities - courses good (tho v hard) hotel OK, locals moronic........

Potter Cup - thoroughly deserved win for the Stokies, it pains me to say.........

Overall score - still 4-3 to the Vale, but now 3 consecutive wins for the Stokies.

Saturday Fourball Scorecard - The Moorland Course

Sunday Singles Scorecard - The Priory Course